“The beginning of love is the will to let those we love be perfectly themselves, the resolution not to twist them to fit our own image. If in loving them we do not love what they are, but only their potential likeness to ourselves, then we do not love them: we only love the reflection of ourselves we find in them” - Thomas Merton “No Man is an Island”
The definition of holding space according to Psychology Today: ”Holding space means to be with someone without judgment. To donate your ears and heart without wanting anything back.
To practice empathy and compassion. To accept someone's truth, no matter what they are... Holding space means to put your needs and opinions aside and allow someone to just be.”
Why is it so important to hold space for another person? Because in order to allow others to breathe and to give them that space, you need to step aside and stop projecting all of your “stuff” onto them as you “listen”. The quotations around 'listen' are deliberate because the reality is that often we don’t actually listen when we are with someone. Most of the time we are reflecting on what they are doing, how they are speaking and how whatever that is makes us feel as opposed to just really sitting and HEARING where they are coming from without it being about ourselves.
The irony for healers is that you can do more by doing less!
It is actually an act of healing to allow the other person to feel where they are and find their own sense of well-being which, incidentally, will happen faster if we don’t try to do the work for them.
The truth is that all of us are here to find ourselves and to empower that other person to do the same. To make their own choices, to make their own “mistakes” and learn from them is extremely empowering and a gift to the other.
So keep holding that space. Allow the other person to feel what they are feeling and don’t try to fix anything other than letting them know they are ultimately safe and that whatever they are feeling is legitimate and valid.
Then we can get back to how we listen and what that means. As healers we want to make things better, so we bend over backwards to make things happen. But what is really happening when we judge and try to fix? We are actually projecting onto the other our own perceptions of our reality and experiences and so what is most important is to reflect on why that is, reflect on what that triggers in our own being. In other words, to start to hold space for yourself.
Recently I've been going back to some things I channeled from Source when I began thinking about holding space. Below is something I channeled that I want to share with everyone because I think it really explains the impact and importance of holding space for others that goes deeper than I can explain on my own.:
The space that you are holding is yours and yours alone. It seems to be someone else’s but you are in the position of observing that space both metaphysically from a space of retaining the energetic field for someone, or yourself, and maintaining the physical space for both of you. How you perceive someone is how they react and behave toward you. In effect, you looking at someone or something directly impacts their experience of that moment...and vice versa.
You are in the driver’s seat, so to speak, as the actions of your observation directly impact the “observee”. How you perceive someone is how they react and behave toward you. In effect, you looking at someone or something directly impacts their experience of that moment...and vice versa.
Now this is the simplistic version because, as you have already surmised, the observer is not just you but the person you are observing and the Universe itself, not to mention anyone else they come into contact with.
It is the mathematical formula for how the Earth and all its inhabitants are motivated, created and evolved. The act of observation influences the next step on and on exponentially. Now, that is the diamond space of it all in a nutshell. Diamond space because when you come down to observing these interactions and were you to be able to see it from an energetic point of view you would be able to see the lines of energy going from one to another until they form a diamond or other shape. And this is also interdimensional as it goes into other timelines, lifetimes, etc.
Moving on to holding space, this becomes the catalyst for evolution and the motion for all change so far. Now, in the event that you are looking to have real change then you need to do what is counterintuitive and stop all the motion, or commotion, depending on how you look at it. You need to dive deep into your soul so that when you look at another, or yourself, or Source, or anything else, you need to understand that by holding space for them you are allowing them independent evolution. The space to allow them to evolve on a higher plane.
The facts will always stay the same. The universe is always going to be ruled by the laws of cause and effect. The doer is going to make contributions to the “do-ee” or the person/thing they are looking at but by looking at them without expectation and understanding that they are affected by what you observe then by holding space for them you will be observing them in their truest form which is an essential and invaluable portion of the Universe and by observing them thusly (thusly! Lol!), you will see them as they are and they will begin to see themselves as they are. No fuss no muss and you don’t really have to do a thing.
The energetic flow of the Universe is an easy flow. It’s time to move more slowly and gently but by doing so you will evolve more quickly because you’ll also have space to go within yourself and that is where you will find your heart and your greatest Love.